Barney's Hide and Seek
Reviewed by Inkhands
Some games you just have to play to see how bad they really
are. Of course I knew this game would be bad, even before I
saw the straight 1's on the reviews here. Barney, the purple
dinosaur, ranks as one of the most annoying characters ever
invented anywhere and in any way. If I ever have any kids,
they're staying away from Barney. Nothing but Clint Eastwood
movies for my children.
It seems Barney has decided he wants to play hide and seek.
Hidden within each of the four stages are a few kids and a
few presents. Of course none of them are hard to find,
because they are pretty much in plain sight. The weird thing
about the game is that of course it's designed for children
under 5. It has an amazing sense of simplicity to it and
that's the reason. All of the buttons on the controller do
the exact same thing. They all trigger Barney to blow a
kiss, but still, you can't even pause the game. You hit
start and he throws a kiss. You can only jump when he's
actually in an area that he can jump. If you try to jump and
there's nowhere for him to jump to, he'll blow another kiss.
Just how much love can one dinosaur give?
The other thing that keeps the game simple, is the fact it
scrolls on it's own. Leave the game idle for a few seconds
and Barney will begin to dance. Then he'll start walking on
his own. You can leave the entire game on and never have to
press one single button. He'll walk through the entire game
on his own. It only takes around 8 or 9 minutes for him to
walk through all of the stages anyway. Of course if someone
did choose to actually try to beat this game in some form,
all they have to do is pick up all the presents and find all
the kids. Of course along the way you can help a rabbit that
is staring sadly at a carrot that is out of his reach. You
can also pick up garbage and throw it in a garbage basket.
It's Barney's good deeds of the game I suppose.
Of course Barney never really knows when to be quiet in this
game. He is constantly speaking. He'll see a friend and
he'll be sure to comment on it. He'll see Baby Bop and he
won't miss a chance to bring that up either. He'll spot a
present and sound as though he's about to cry he's so happy.
If you pick it up, he'll open it and tell you what it is.
Such as a rubber duckie or some other sort of toy. He'll see
a frog and say so. He'll see a balloon and tell you to ride
on it. "We can ride on a cloud" he'll say, when it's quite
obvious that's what he's doing. When he picks up a friend he
tells the friend he loves them and gives them a hug. At the
end of the entire game he lets you know that you're his
special friend.
There is no such thing as challenge in this game, but it is
made for incredibly young gamers, so of course there
wouldn't be challenge. Of course two year olds will probably
scream when you try to get them to play it and you'll have
to put the Teletubbies tape in the VCR anyway. Hopefully,
this game has no replay value. I know it doesn't have any
for me. There is some music in this game, all the cheery
type, and the "Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a
pony" music used with no words. Barney tells you you did
great when you get a few of the presents and friends. If you
only get one he says you did good. If you get nothing, he
doesn't say anything and just walks away. He won't let on
that he is secretly very disappointed in you and you should
have done so much better. You just weren't applying
yourself.
The settings include underwater, a farm, and a music land.
Hit the drum walking around and he'll start beating himself
and you can hear that music. Barney should just start
beating himself until he's unconscious. The farm lets you
look at some corn stalks, complete with ears of corn
attached. There are some chickens walking around too. The
backgrounds have some apple trees. Barney looks like a big
purple dinosaur, which is what he is. Try to walk off a
ledge and into the water though. He'll hold up a stop sign
and there's nothing you can do to get him to walk off the
ledge.
He will roll down a hill, but he sounds like he's having fun
while doing it. So that doesn't count. The odd thing is, if
you get down one of those hills, a balloon will be there. If
you hit the balloon, it will carry Barney back up to the
same hill and he can slide down it again. If he jumps he'll
yell "Boing" way too often. Possibly the only thing that
isn't horrible about the game is the graphics, but that's
not saying much. The graphics in this game are still not
that great. The backgrounds are boring and repetitive. All
the kids look almost exactly alike anyway. You can see
everything but their eyes while they are hiding behind a
rock or a tree or whatever. The little presents are gift
wrapped, but Barney will open them up when you find them for
him.
Why did I even bother writing this review? The game in just
incredibly lame and it made me laugh it's so lame and that's
one of the reasons I wrote it. I also wanted to review the
game, because I was bored. Plus, I wanted to add to it's
perfect score of 1 already and this will be the first game I
will ever give the prestigious score of "1" to. Barney
wouldn't care though. I'd probably still be his special
friend.
Graphics - 4/10
Sound - 1/10
Challenge - N/A
Control - 1/10
Appeal - 1/10
Game Play - 1/10
Replay Value - 1/10
Overall - 1/10
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